For many, divorce is the final act—there’s no going back. In fact, 80 percent of divorced people say they feel like they got a second chance after divorce—a fresh start. But for others, divorce offers potential for a repeat encore. A recent poll indicates that about one in four—or more accurately 27 percent of divorcees—have sex with their exes after separation. The study, conducted by Bravo in partnership with Research Now, coincided with the release of “Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce,” which premiered on Bravo in its second season last month.
Those going through a divorce may have mixed reactions to this news. The process of divorce is harrowing enough that the majority never want to cross back over that indelible line. But for those who do end up going back to their exes, it may merely be an inability to digest a substantial amount of change all at once. More provocatively, it tends to drive people back to what feels comfortable, but not what is healthy. It’s important to keep in mind that rarely do these trysts lead back to reconciliation between partners; they create an even more dangerous territory for those who have that in mind. It just complicates the process of eventually transitioning into a new life.
As divorcees, your past relationship is best served by evolving into something new. Perhaps, that’s the best way to look at divorce…easing into a new framework, a beginning and comparable to a move, in which your entire routine needs to change. Putting the time and effort into letting go and cleaning up that which no longer works is a formidable process. But with a conscious mindset and appropriate professional support, it is worth putting in the time and effort.
If you’re wavering, consider these facts:
• Women believe that they become more powerful in their relationships with their exes after divorce. According to the survey: “While only 57 percent of married women say they have the power in their marriage, 87 percent of divorced women feel they have the power in their relationship with their ex.” Understanding the potential for this power shift will be helpful to change the way you think.
• 60 percent of divorced people concur that even though their marriage ended, it was not a complete failure and more than half of divorce of this sixty percent end up with a better working relationship with their ex spouses than they had before.
• 59 percent of women claim to have become closer with their friends after going through a divorce. Women form close, lifelong bonds and support systems, which function way past the divorce itself.
• 90 percent of those who have gone through a divorce still believe that marriages can last a lifetime.
A failed marriage is not a failed life; it is another phase of life. The significance of divorce is accepting that you need to grow and move on. So while divorce may mean that indeed one act my come to and end, it certainly doesn’t have to mean that the show is closed.